Facebook. Meta. Gimme a flippin’ break!



“O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” The Zuckerberg presides over the rebranding of Facebook. It’s Meta now, is it? Whoa! WOW! How wonderful! Splendid, even! That’s going to fix everything! It ranks right up there with rebranding “systematic torture” as “enhanced interrogation techniques.”

Here’s what’ll really go a long way to fix Facebook for you as an individual human person. Delete Facebook/Meta from your life ASAP. I mean today, if you can manage it, like before you go to bed. If you have to let all your Facbook confederates know you’re leaving first, do that, and then delete your account shortly thereafter. Don’t be tempted to “take a break” from Facebook. Go cold turkey and delete your account. I did years ago when I tried Facebook out and quickly realized what a burdensome time suck it is. And while you’re at it, do you really need to be on Snapchat? WhatsApp? Twitter? TikTok? Is it at all possible that you might be able to adequately communicate with others with a simple phone call or text or email?

It’s easier for me, I think, to shun almost all social media because I grew up in simpler (not, I note, necessarily better) times when phones had dials and were anchored by a cord to a little table or desk. Back then, you had to warm the television up, and it was possible to fix a tv on the fritz by replacing a tube yourself instead of calling a technician or “help” desk. The music in your life was either live, on physical, hold-in-your-hand records, or on radio and tv shows. Movies? Imagine this: no streaming services! If you wanted to get in touch with friends or family overseas, you sent a letter par avion. As a kid, if you wanted to play games with friends, you invited them over for Monopoly or Risk or Clue or went to the park for a game of baseball or basketball or just to fart around. Adult games? They maybe got together to play cards, or go out bowling, or, like my parents, neither because they didn’t have a whole lot of time for games. Sound boring? Nah. It was life. And, for the most part, it was good.

I’m a relic, sure enough, pretty much invisible to anyone under the age of fifty. You don’t have to take my word for anything. But, if you could just stop inventing content for your social media accounts and stop fiddling with your devices for a few days; if you can get beyond the terror of that “missing out” anxiety that surges in your soul when you’re unconnected; if you can then conceive of an inwardly rich, less self-absorbed life, then you might be pleasantly surprised at how good you’ll feel when untethered to mind distractors and fragmenters like Facebook. I imagine it’s like walking through hospital doors after having been in a coma and on life-support–and taking your first breaths of fresh air.

Anyhow, a good start on the road to the liberation of your finite time here and your attention is to extricate yourself from the labyrinths of Facebook. Here’s a comprehensive guide.